


Bread, Milk and Cats

by Carola_dl



Category: American Gods (TV)
Genre: F/M, Road Trip, just a conversation, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:11:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carola_dl/pseuds/Carola_dl
Summary: Laura annoys Mad Sweeney, mocking the leprechaun's myth.





	Bread, Milk and Cats

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I love these two adorable assholes so I wrote a smile vignette that takes place during their road trip.

** Bread, Milk and Cats **

 

The ice cream truck moaned like an agonizing animal every time Laura took a turn. The unlikely duo of the walking corpse and the leprechaun were driving without windows and one of the side mirrors had fallen out half an hour before – Sweeny was sure that if it weren’t for the lucky coin resting inside Laura’s rotting body, some police car would’ve already stopped them miles ago. If it weren’t for the lucky coin, the truck wouldn’t have driven at all.

The AC wasn’t working and the flies that followed Laura everywhere had taken residence on top of the seats and the dashboard.

The smell was pungent and unbearable, more now that her chest was fully open and her guts were in direct contact with her red light jacket. Sweeny hid under his cap, covering his face – and especially his nostrils – under its expensive cotton. The smell was only slightly better. He hoped that Dead Wife would think he was sleeping but, once again, she seemed to look through his bullshit.

¨So you’re a leprechaun.”

He wanted to remain silent – to make her believe that he was really sleeping but, for some reason, he could never pass up a chance to taunt her.

“I thought we had already covered that.” He put away his cap and looked at her with a raised brow.

“Besides your endless fortune and the coin tricks, do you have any other superpower?”

“Superpower? Am I wearing a cape and my underwear on top of my pants?” He asked with fake surprised, looking at his jeans, as if he was really checking his attire.

“I see you’re not a fan of Superman. You know what I mean: Any other useful magic tricks that I should know about?”

“Well, I can look out for my people – in exchange of their faith and offerings. But those times are long gone.”

“Offerings? Do you ask them to sacrifice goats for you? Virgins, maybe?¨

“Bread and milk would suffice.”

Laura laughed – suddenly and inexplicably, her dying body trembling with delight. Sweeney looked at her with a frown, anger and embarrassment bubbling inside him.

“My grandma gave bread and milk to stray cats. I would’ve expected you to be more demanding than them.” Laura said, mocking him.

“Your grandma was a wise woman. Cats are dreadful creatures – vengeful and just nasty. Better not to make them angry, Dead wife.”

“You’re afraid of cats!” He could see her laugh stretching her dry lips but she contained it inside, only showing a tight smile.

Sweeney shook his head. “It’s not fear. I just hate those pointy-ears devils. You would too if you understood the world you live in, but you mere mortals are so easily deceived.”

“Okay, buddy. Don’t get mad.” Laura said, shaking her head, with her eyes still in the road. “So your believers leave you bread and milk… Where? On the windows?” Laura asked and Sweeney nodded.

“I collect their offerings and I reward them by bringing some pleasure and fortune to their lives.”

“Is that another quaint sexual metaphor?¨

“What?” Sweeney asked, honestly confused.

“Do you appear at their bedroom’s window and ravish the prettiest of them all? The most devoted ones, maybe?”

“Fucking a leprechaun will give you a decade of good luck, or even more – but it’s not so easy to seduce us, Dead Wife.”

¨They need to offer you some good steak and wine instead of bread and milk?”

“For starters, they need to have a beating heart and a fresh and fully functioning body.”

Laura squinted her eyes, taking offense. “Good thing I don’t believe in Leprechauns, then. ” She said, knowing it was the cruelest thing she could say to him. “Not bread and milk for you.”

She wondered if every time someone said leprechauns weren’t real, a leprechaun died – like the fairies in Neverland. She stared at him, looking for an answer in his sour expression but Sweeney hid once again under his cap.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I think I don't have their voices completely down yet - I probably should've added some ¨Fucks¨and ¨Leprecunts¨around, but... I hope it was close enough!
> 
> Also, English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
